The developmental tasks of young adulthood can be daunting.  During this transitional moment in life, young adults are expected to make huge decisions about their future.  Some struggle with the idea of leaving home and are paralyzed by fear.  Others believe themselves to be so well prepared that they are invincible.  At this time in life, the pressure to launch can be overwhelming.  Young adults are expected to have vision about what they want to do with their lives, and they are expected to make some very big decisions about their futures.  This is particularly difficult for young adults who struggle with depression, anxiety, addiction or other psychiatric/behavior issues.  For some, the pressure of becoming an adult triggers the onset of a psychiatric problem that they have never experienced before.  I have had the pleasure of working over the years with countless young adults and their families to help them get through this transitional period, learn strategies for dealing with the struggle for autonomy, and ultimately succeed in launching an independent adult.

 

POWER STRUGGLES

The success outcome of launching a young adult in many cases depends on the parents being successfully able to avoid engaging in power struggles.  At this point in the young adults life, they are being expected to behave as though they have completely developed executive brain functioning, when in fact they DO NOT!  At 18 years, humans frontal lobes are NOT fully developed and won’t be until age 25, and while young adults may feel as though they are totally capable of planning their lives and making mature decisions, they are not fully equipped.  Society and culture are telling them that they should be making their own decisions without the support of parents or advisers.  Meanwhile parents are terrified.  Questioning whether or not they did a good enough job instilling values, teaching skills.  Letting go of the young adult is a task just as challenging for parents as the task of individuating is for the young adult.  It is a delicate dance that depends off mutual trust and faith between parties, as well as the ability to set and hold firm, loving and developmentally appropriate boundaries (this is true for both parents and young adults)!

“Take your time.  Think a lot.  Think of everything you’ve got.  For you will still be here tomorrow but your dreams may not.” 

-Cat Stevens, Father and Son